I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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