Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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