We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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