he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
