his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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