you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
