There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
