I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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