Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
