Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's shark week go big or go home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
