k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice