where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help