somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dating After Heartbreak
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober