Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.