I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
