I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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