we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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