i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
