There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
