I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize