I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
