Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Porn is love you can see.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
