I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
