i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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