It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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