dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
