If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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