Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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(221): View more from

I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

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(351): View more from Massachusetts

the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.

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(434): View more from Virginia

It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??

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(702): View more from Nevada

The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.

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(845): View more from New York

I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.

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(206): View more from Washington

The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.

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