If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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