my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my being single is dangerous.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
