After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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