I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
