Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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