dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
