When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
