I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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