I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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