I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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