the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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