why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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