My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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