When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
