I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
