Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize