called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is Oprah even human
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
