The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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