I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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