I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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