Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
