just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
