I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
