so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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