he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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