Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
