Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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