You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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