Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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