just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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