I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
