She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
