I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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