I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
