i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
