I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
