i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
