I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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