Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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