I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
