didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
