sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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