dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
