I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
