final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Terrible idea I love it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
