so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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